How isolation re·habbed me


New standards in a relationship & glimpses from my days

by Tomo Luetic

 

This is the view from our window for the last month or so.

It’s just the two of us and our dog on a large property deep in the forest.

It’s unbelievable how much we’re learning about ourselves, each other and our relationship after knowing each other for 7 years.

It turns out, there are always parts of us which are hijacked, unconscious or lazy.

Here, there’s no alternative to reconnection.

To choose not to turn your back on a lover when you want to sleep till noon because of the loud rain or while scrolling down the feed while drinking beer — is brave.

Without it, we would bore ourselves to death.

So, no boring love. Lot’s of reconnecting.

It’s the relationship standard we settled upon to.

Beyonce vs. Love on autopilot

The biggest extravagance here is to drive 4 miles to the next village for a cup of coffee. We sit on our bikes and stumble upon ups and downs of the road which takes us to a bar in front of three different grocery stores. If something’s not to be found there (a bike tire or a contact lens), we’ll order it online and wait for it to be delivered in ten days or so.

At the evenings we usually watch Netflix. A friend sent us a password to check “Homecoming”. I was so tired lying in bed watching this to find myself triggered and somehow inspired by the story. Beyonce is the most versatile and all-around entrepreneur this planet has ever seen.

Back in our daily routine, we see mostly local people who live on the peninsula and occasional groups of tourists from China walking around with their sticks. The locals are reserved and minding their own thoughts and businesses, while Asian tourists cheer, laugh and don’t lose a second to shoot a selfie. Croatia depends on tourists, everybody repeats the mantra. It’s hilarious to watch these people who visit us for a quickie being more fascinated by this country than the people who actually live here.

Including myself.

Love goes on autopilot if no one does the work.

I proved her to be wrong. For now.

Before coming here I was scared of the isolation. Now I’m scared of going back to the city for a week or two. We have to move into a new apartment I recently bought. The days of gypsying around the country are finito. We have a base now. My woman reminded me not to forget about gratefulness.

You know, after the first phase when we get over the fascination of a new place.

To get to the city we’ll have to take the alternative route by ferry because…If we travel the main road we would have to cross the border of Bosnia in the middle of the Croatian coast. Sounds confusing? It is, but that’s the meat for another story.

Our dog doesn’t have a passport. To avoid diplomatic incident we’ll take a ferry to transfer directly to the part of the coast after the border with Bosnia and move on.

We’re in one of the most vibrant phases of our relationship. Lots of small wins are achieved in the last year. We managed to work together which was a big issue for my woman. She says we’re a terrible combination for disciplined work. I proved her to be wrong. For now.

Sometimes I feel I have to take the leadership and roar our way through. It feels good to do that shit.

Our fucking and Instagram shoutouts

Our fucking is louder, more primitive and vulnerable. It’s quite opposite from the last year when we lived in a summer house surrounded by neighbors who can hear even a fart in the bathroom.

This is a direct result of a couple of factors: lot’s of manual labor around villas we ran on RBNB (which is our core job at the peninsula), launching a long time planned project, exercise on a daily basis, eating 80% organic food and learning new stuff online. I didn’t have a clear clue what’s an Instagram shoutout, God rest my soul.

Compared to googling tricks & tips about Instagram, defining and setting up a higher standard in my relationship wasn’t easy. It was like the big escape from a heavily guarded prison by the candidate who is dumb and lacks the skill of essential climbing.

From a re·habbed retard’s point of view

I used to be scared of entering a relationship ’cause then I would be locked inside for good like a mocking bird. I resisted intimacy, spending time together and creating slices of life in a mutual agreement. This just wasn’t cool enough for the old me.

But to set up this standard of 100% commitment along the road in last 7 years, crossing some confusing borders, taking the routes where nobody goes, playing all in with my woman to create part by part of a lifestyle which suits our nasty needs and hardware values.

It’s first class travel.

Firstly, I allowed myself to be new and real me. Then I received her gift of no counter judgment for being this me.

The sense of freedom which I used to glorify before without committing to anybody and being empty while sucking everybody up…Became a hyper freedom today.

Only fools don’t change.

Thanks for this.

What’s next?


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